Love and Lies: The Tinder Swindler’s Ayleen Charlotte talks to Bitdefender about Romance Scams (Part 1)

Finding love is not like the sweet romances of the movies – you don’t just bump into your soulmate in the park and live happily ever after. In another sense, though, it can sometimes resemble a movie script – that attractive, suave “love of your life” might just be acting.

Especially when courtship is online.

While online dating has made the search for a partner more accessible, it has also opened the door to an emotionally devastating type of scam: romance fraud.

These criminals prey on the need for love, and they take more than just money. They steal trust, dignity, and even the victim’s sense of self-worth.

Ayleen Charlotte is living proof that romance scams can happen to anyone. As one of the women featured in Netflix’s The Tinder Swindler, she bravely turned her painful experience into a mission to raise awareness, educate others, and break the stigma surrounding romance scam victims.

Her courage in speaking out has not only helped expose this type of online scam but has also inspired countless people to come forward.

At Bitdefender, we reached out to Ayleen to hear her story first-hand, to understand the emotional toll, and to share her insights into how others can protect themselves from falling into the same trap.

Can you briefly share your story with our readers who might not be familiar with it?

“I was a victim of an elaborate romance scam by a man who presented himself as a successful businessman. He swept me off my feet with grand gestures, and what seemed like genuine affection and love. Over time, he built an emotional connection that felt deep and real. But then, his story changed. He claimed to be in danger and needed financial help, promising to pay me back. What I thought was love turned out to be a well-executed scam. The man I trusted was running the same con on multiple women simultaneously. My story was featured in The Tinder Swindler on Netflix. The most watched documentary exposed his tactics helped raise awareness about romance fraud and ultimately gave me a platform to educate and support others.”

What motivated you to share your story in “The Tinder Swindler” documentary?

“At first, it was about justice—not just for myself but for all the women, men, and companies he had deceived by then. When I first discovered the truth, I felt an overwhelming sense of betrayal, embarrassment, and anger, but then I realized that if I stayed silent, he would continue to manipulate others. I wanted to take back control of the narrative.

Beyond that, I also wanted to raise awareness about how sophisticated and emotionally manipulative these scams are. Many people believe they would never fall for something like this, but fraudsters are highly skilled at targeting emotions. By sharing my story, I hoped to educate others, challenge the stigma surrounding victims, and push for better protection and support systems for those who experience fraud.”

Looking back, do you think the scammer used specific emotional triggers to manipulate you? Did he try to isolate you from friends or family, or create a sense of secrecy around the relationship?

“Absolutely. He used a mix of love-bombing, urgency, and fear to keep me emotionally invested. In the beginning, he made me feel incredibly special – constant attention, messages, and a lot of dates. He put me on a pedestal and won my trust, which made it easy to believe in him.

Then, more than seven months into the relationship, he introduced a crisis: he was in danger, his enemies were after him, and he couldn’t use his own financial resources. He needed my help. He framed it in a way that made me feel responsible for his life and safety, which is a powerful emotional manipulation tactic.

While he didn’t directly cut me off from friends and family, he created an environment where I felt like no one else would understand. There was secrecy, but it was disguised as security precautions because of his supposed high-profile lifestyle. Looking back, these were all classic red flags, but when you’re in the middle of it, your emotions cloud your judgment.”

At what point did you realize you were being scammed, and what was your initial reaction?

“There wasn’t one single moment, but rather a series of realizations. I started noticing inconsistencies in his stories little things that didn’t add up. Then, I discovered an article in a Norwegian magazine that other women had experienced the exact same pattern as me. That was the moment it all clicked, and it felt like I jumped out of a plane without a safety net. 

My first reaction was shock and anger. It was hard to accept that someone I had cared about, believed in, and trusted had been lying from the very beginning. Then came the embarrassment, how could I not have seen it? But these scams are designed to make you overlook logic and trust the person manipulating you. That’s why they work.”

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Ayleen shares the lessons she learned, the red flags she wished she had noticed, and expert advice on staying safe from romance scams.